Confused Memories
by EternalSkies
Summary: The past and the future. Which one would Lyzerg choose?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King.

Confuse Memories 

Chapter 1. Where it all started

He laid there. There were mix emotions within me… I do not understand. The wind blew softly, ruffling his hair. It flowed down, stain with red hot vermilion blood. It was still fresh. I was battling with myself. I do not know what I should do. After all, why he was in this state, was because of me. I will always remember what he has told me before it all happened. All so vividly imprinted on my mind. I had made up my decision. I will…

They say the middle child never feels he belongs in the family. To me, it was very true. Well, growing up in a family of musicians, I learn that only ONE thing mattered. If I could play the trombone or sing, or perhaps even dance, that would count. But I could not do any. I was afraid, afraid or disappointing everyone. But what could I do. It seems destined that I'm going to be the failure of my whole family. One day, I told my parents that I wanted to be an artist. They agreed, and that's when more troubles began…

Many people try to make art follow rules. They say if it is not done in a certain way, it is not art. You HAVE to color. You have to draw. You have to paint. But to me, I believe that all this is not true. They say that an artist have to be observant. But I was terrible in observing things. For example, when I was in Grade 3, our art teacher told us to draw a chicken. I tried to draw one from my memory, but it turned out to be legless. Many laughed and said, " They have two legs. I bet u have only seen them sitting on their eggs!" My art teacher tried to be kind, but her words hurt. "I hope you are not planning to be an artist." That's was what she told me. But, it was he that made me fight and struggle for my dream. I can still remember what he had told me. "Anything is art, as long as you can portray your feelings." Soon after, my family was killed. All except for me. I do not know the reason. Later on, I was told that HE was the one that did it. But, he seems so nice. That could not be possible, could it?

During art classes, he cheered me on. But I was weary. I do not know what was the reason of him killing my family… why all except for me? I was very confused. When I asked him, he just smiled and replied, "Only the strongest are allowed to survive. Soon, they will be eliminated as well. Its just a matter of time…why probe over it?" I was shock when he said that. People told me that he was a monster. Others told me to keep away from him. But what I wanted to hear was a word of concern, not warnings. I was wondering if anybody would understand me. And later, I found out that only he was concern about me. 'Fake concern or pity?' was always the question that always runs through my head.

'It is the time again." He told me. I didn't understand, so I went to ask Morphine, my spirit guardian. I understood what he was talking about soon after. The Shaman Fight was here again. It seems like a carnival annually coming every 500 years. When I wanted to sign up, a voice in my head told me that I too weak, in fact, very. He appeared next to me and said, " Isn't the moon beautiful today?" I nodded. " Go ahead and try. Do it. And the voice in your head would be silenced." With that, he left.

I clenched my fist. I will do it. I WILL succeed. I will grow stronger. Morphine gave me a smile of encouragement. I was all ready to try. Soon, the qualifying rounds came. It was easy. Easier than I expected. He was also in the 'game' or what he calls it. He offered his service to me. I declined.

The preliminary matches arrive. By then, I was already trying my best, training hard, driven by an unknown force. First match- Horo Horo… Who was this Horo guy? Is he strong? Will we be on par? Will I lose? Will I win? What will be the outcome? Whenever I was confused, he will be there. "The time will come where all answers will be revealed. There's no need to think that much." I nodded in agreement. What he said was right. I tried convincing myself. I didn't work very much. But when he smiled at me, I felt that everything will be right. Everything will be the way it is destined to.

There is no need to be worried about anything. I hope…

The day arrived…

"Yo! My name Horo Horo. And my guardian spirit is Koloro. What about you? Eh?" He seemed so happy. I envied that. After my parents died, all I wanted was to revenge. I have lost the warmth, the warmth that made me smile. "Lyzerg Diethiel." I replied. "My guardian spirit is Morphine. Nice to meet you." I forced a smile. I think that was kind of obvious as he frowned a little. "Well, it is such a pity that Morphine is a guardian spirit. She is far cuter to be one! Unlike mine, all round… Haha…" he sniggered. I think he was trying to make my laugh. I laughed a little… It did not came out the way I wanted it to. "Well enough of formalities… Let the game… Begin"

MORPHINE IN PENDULUM!

KOLORO IN SNOWBOARD!

The wind blow. I was ready for my first fight…

Author's Note: I'm not a very good author… My math is TERRIBLE and well, that summaries everything. Haha… Please give me some comments so that I can improve. Please read my following chapters. I'm not sure it will turn out successful. Hope it is. Aniwaez, thanks for reading my FIRST story or chapter. Gave me a lot of encouragement when u read it! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King Confused Memories   
Chapter 2. Faith 

The wind blew. I was ready for my first fight…

He came charging at me. "Imperial Ice Formation!" "Lack of tactics" came into my brain. He only seems to be charging and when it fails, he will just…charge again. For no apparent reasons, I was delighted. Was I turning into like him, cruel and unfeeling? I heard that his dream was just to plant a vast field of coltsfoot. It is so, innocent? Just then, I was wondering when I was defending. What was it that I was fighting for? For my decease family, or for myself or for… He snapped me out of my trance with a heavy blow. Where did it come from? I should have been more attentive. Suddenly, I felt HIS presence. HE was around. I wanted to end it fast…

"DEVOURING AVALANCHE!" "BIG BEN!" the fight was over. Both of us were drained, just barely maintaining our over-souls. Anybody could get the upper hand. It was like a game of Survival. Anyone who still has enough energy to strike will be the last one standing. We both stood up. I didn't know what happened the next moment. There was a big blast and he blacked out earlier, for when I work up, I was proclaimed the winner. Someone had interfered! But who could it be? Could it be HIM? Why would he do that? Horo walked up near by and shook my hand. "That was a great fight! I didn't know you had so much energy left! Well, that teaches me a lesson not to under estimate our opponents… heheh… If we ever had a chance, I am sure to grow stronger and win you! Haha! Well, shouldn't keep my sister in suspense for the results. Boy, would she be disappointed? But don't feel bad; I will grow a vast field of coltsfoot! Ciao!" He left whistling a happy tune. "HAO ASAKURA! Where are you! Why did you interfere! Why did you…" "I did not want you to lose." I stood there burly. I hoped that someone would bring me out of this confusion. I thought that would be the last thing I hoped for. But, I really needed it. I want HIM to stay by my side and tell me everything before I kill him. I thought I would never have to ask him to explain. Well, you never know what may happen.

I rested for a few days before the oracle bell started flashing again. "Marchii…" wasn't that one of the girls with HIM? She must be strong, strong enough to actually be one of his allies. I was demoralized. I was sure to lose. I might as well give up now. Then, I thought of HIM. He must have wanted me to win so much that he actually violated the rules to make sure that I win. I must not give up! Now I thought, was it for HIM or myself that I am fighting for?

AT THE OTHER SIDE…

"Hao-sama! You aren't calling me to forfeit one match, are you! That's…that's… ARGH! Why in the world would you call me to…" "Enough… I want to hear no more from you Marchii… you have already won two matches and is qualified for the next round. There is no need for the last match." "But… I want a clean sweep and besides, his weak!" "Marchii! Say no more…" "Yes…Hao-sama…"

"Eh…Morphine! Did you see what's written on my oracle bell? My opponent withdrew! That makes 2 wins! I can make it to the next round, even if I lose the last one! Soon, I'm off to Patch Village! It is already like a dream come true! I didn't expect to come this far! O Morphine! Thank you!" Morphine fluttered around. But worried for her master, she urged me to train even harder. I nodded enthusiastically.

For the third match, I waited for my opponent, but he did not arrive. I was counted as the winner for he did not turned up as planned. Why he did not arrive was only known after a short period of time. Some people said that when he was walking to the designated place when he just burst into a ball of flames. HE was behind this. I could bet on it.

I was traveling on an airplane to America when I was flung off from to the airplane. I slipped into the darkness…

I licked my dry and cracked lips as I crouched beside a low branching solitary shrub, trying to find some shelter and relief from the sun. All around me were shards and debris, cold hard evidence of what had happened. I shook my head to clear my mind. "How many days has it been?" I asked Morphine. "Two, four of five? No, it must be two days now." There hadn't been any food and water since the day before and I was wondering how long I could last.

I must have lost track of time. All I could remember now was a huge thunderous roar followed by an enormous ball of flames and I knew nothing more. But what had happened to the plane? How did he get here? The sand shifted under his feet and the hot, dry wind blew across the treeless plain. All I could see were oceans of sand with no end.

I must have dozed off, for when I woke up the sky was darkening and I stared to shiver. I picked up the bundles of things that I had managed to salvage from the plane when I had come to consciousness and I made my way back to the pile of boulders where there were more shelter. "Well Morphine, help is not coming tonight," I thought; my hopes of a rescue ebbing away…

Author's note: Many thanks for reading my story! I update a little slow cause my computer just won't work for the past few days. Sorry to keep my readers waiting. Haha… And many thanks for reviewing! I'll try to make it more exciting by putting in more fight scenes but I'm a rather peaceful guy, so it is very hard for me to write, but I will TRY! Heheh… Will update as soon as I can!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King.

Confused Memories 

Chapter 3. Weird

"Well Morphine, help is not coming tonight," I thought; my hopes of a rescue ebbing away…I'll go back to the shrub tomorrow to wait. Hopefully someone will come tomorrow." I clamored up the rock and found the crevice that offered me shelter and protection. I wished I could stay there all day, protected from the intense heat, but I was afraid that they might not be able to see me among the boulders.

Weak with hunger and thirst, I forced myself trudge back to the shrub as the morning sun beat down on my already sun burnt back. I was lucky to be alive, but I was losing all hope. Settling down for vigil, I started drawing in the sand pictures of my family. Tears rolled down my cheeks, the saltiness making my cracked skin sting. I wiped away my tears. Hope might be far away, but I believed in the saying "where there is a will, there is a way." I straightened my back and looked around.

Suddenly, the air was filled with the screeching of tyres. I lifted my head weakly and

My vision swam before me. Shaking my head, I heard a voice. "Hey boy, I am Ryu of the wooden sword, but you can call me Ryu." I stared at him, before passing out again.

"Thanks" I muttered when I finally woke up. I had no idea how long I have slept. I was in this old building with a rickety roof and a few cracks here and there. Hmmm… this must be an abandon house, I thought. The man who had saved me walked up to me. "Hey boy, sorry for bringing you to this place. Looks rather down but I'm sure it won't crumble. What were you doing in the desert anyway?"

"Erm…"

"Call me Ryu…don't tell me you had forgotten?"

"Sorry for bothering you… I was going to Patch Village when the plane mal-functioned… I'm thinking that someone sabotaged it…"

"Don't mention it. You must be famished, aren't you? Well, wait here. I'm going to a nearby place to grab something for you to eat"

"Thanks"

He left me alone. I was so sleepy… so sleepy that I didn't notice HIM…Ryu leaped on his motorcycle and sped away…HE smiled. Time to get his plan in action.

"Sardines, pickles, bread, cornflakes, fish, chicken…what could be left out? AH! Oregano! No no no… Reheated pizza? What is the last one? Argh! I'll just settle for lettuce…"Ryu muttered to himself. After coming out of the supermarket, on his way back, he saw an old woman holding a sign by the side of the road. He had never seen an old woman hitch-hiking. He did not usually drive just anyone, especially when he was alone after being a shaman. He had learnt how scary and merciless people could be, which the prime example would be Hao Asakura. After much consideration, he shouted to the old lady, "Hop on" the old lady gladly did that. After much grunting, the old lady managed to squeeze herself into the seat, her humongous shopping bag on her lap. Ryu knew that there was something strange about this old lady as she just stared continuously into the darkness ahead under her yellow hat…

Ryu turned back a little and tilted his head. He gasp… there was hair on her hand. He knew that the old lady was a man. His heart almost skipped a beat. Suddenly, he got a plan. He suddenly came to a halt and said, "I was positive I hit a little child. Can you please help me talk a look?" Would his plan work? It did, as the "old lady" clambered out of her seat. When she got down, Ryu madly accelerated away. The "old lady" had left her shopping back behind. Perhaps it could be of some clue to help him solve the mystery behind the "old lady's" identity. When he opened the bag, he gasped. It was a razor sharp knife. It glimmered under the sun. It looks as though it was craving for blood, his blood to be exact…

"He was such a fool to let a person like you tricked him. Hmmm… I did not expect to even lift a finger. Well, I got no use for him know and neither do you. I must thank you for saving him, but that's the end of you shamanism. Goodbye."

"Spirit of fire…"

It was midnight when I finally awoke. Where was Mister Ryu? I went out of bed to explore around the house. In one room, I found a clutter of notes and a few boxes. Each of the boxes contained some mementos. In one, I saw a locket. A girl with green hair. Strange. It looks some what liked me, except that I was a guy of course. Beneath it was a "H.A." carved on it. I placed it down and went out for some fresh air. What a sight I saw. All was the was the mortals remains for yet another man who had offended, and failed to survive HIM… Why was he out to annihilate everyone that had helped me or that I had known? Anyone who attempts to get near me and make friends with me? Had HE got something against me?

I trudged on sadly. I thought I would have someone to accompany me. Will I start up with one and end with one? Or will I make friends finally? Anyone around me will get hurt. Am I a jinx? Or am I just weak… yes, I was weak. Too weak…Plain weak…

To be continued……… XD

Author's note: well, celestialgal, please update both your story at a go since I updated XD Just kidding, and many thanks for your tips.

Many thanks to anyone that reads it…

Damn, I was supposed to do my project. Hope I don't get detention from those blasted teachers for not completing it. Hate it when they open their mouths and say "Xevin…" and I know what is going to happen. I wonder what will happen after my parents officially separates… will I follow my mom or my dad, Just hope there is some way to pair them up again…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King.

Confused Memories 

Chapter 4. Friends?

I walked on… there wasn't much goal in my life as I thought of what I will do after the Shaman Fight. What will be the outcome I did not wan to think so much. The truth will reveal itself when the time is ripe…I'm sure it will…

The moon shone. I have wasted much time in the desert, and had rested long enough, so I decided that night isn't the time to rest again but carry on. "HEY GUYS! Wait up! I think I saw the guy, which I lost to in the preliminary matches! Yo Lyzerg! Is that you?" Someone was calling up for me? I looked up and saw the face of Horo Horo. I didn't even realize that I had already made a friend without knowing. He was with a group of people… Wow. He must have made friends fast. "Hey Lyzerg. These are some of my friends. Yoh, Chocolove,Fruast and Ren. Don't mind Ren. He is too much of a grouch. Anyway, what are you doing here all alone? We're waiting for Ryu. He dashed off to look for a mirror when the wind blow against his hair. But he never returned! Lyzerg, are you ok? You don't look to good…"

"You mean that proud and mean guy…killed Ryu?" Happy or go lucky he might be, but fiercely loyal to a friend… that's what I thought about him, my second impression. My first impression, which was his ''rash-ness'' disappeared within me. He looks so upset, perhaps I'm the reason, why, a good friend of him has deceased. I'm sorry…Horo Horo.

Just then, the others snap out of the trance, whether they like it or not, it was back to the cold and cruel facts. Someone, which is dead, can never be revive… Ren snorted and said nothing. The silence was haunting. Yoh continued walking on, so quiet. A slacker, he might be, but no one knows what goes on through his mind, but I must say, that the answer is, he actually thinks a lot, despite his daily 'relaxing periods'.

Fruast, all I can say that, his one loyal lover…

Days fly by, the topic about Ryu, was never brought up, they treated me as a friend, but as THEIR friend, I thought I should leave them, so as not to bring trouble to them. Perhaps that's true friendship, you would rather sacrifice yourself for the others… But, even if I'm walking by myself, I know I'll not be alone, I've my friends…

I left that when they were asleep. It'll be too hard to part with them face to face. I was once again walking all by myself, aimlessly? No. I have a goal. That is to find Him, to ensure myself that He will NEVER hurt my friends again, never. I looked around the town I was in, currently. Strange… there seems to be no shamans at all. Or was it that I couldn't sense them? Could I be lost? Something strange about this town… Something very strange…and I was about the find out, in the worst type of 'style' there would ever have.

I pushed open the door of the nearest inn I could find. When I entered, I gasped. There was someone, lying on the ground, with a pool of blood. And there was He. Why was he killing the innocent? They are not even shamans! Their just normal people, minding their own business! How could He? He noticed me and smiled. How can he still smile after he had done such a thing? His inhuman! As though reading my thoughts like a book, he simply replied, "They said that shamans are not allowed in this inn. I wanted to make sure you have someplace to stay at. I can't leave you wondering all alone in the alley… So this person will have to DIE. Anyone who opposes me and hurt you in anyway will come to a no good end." "You're hurting me in another way…" I muttered. Its not like I'm his wife or anything… Why does he care so much about me? Just then, I thought flash me.

The picture I saw in the hut! The lady with green hair, that looks a bit like me. The words, carved on it. H. A. Could it stands for Hao Asakura? What does He have to do with that lady that resembles me? If I could discover the answer, everything would have been linked and the whole case would be solved. Would it? It all didn't matter now. If I don't find out, more people could get hurt. I must find the answer. Be the shaman king or not doesn't matter anymore. I just wanted the answer.

I know that these isn't the time to chicken out, but I had had to return to Britian. If I didn't see things, I'm quite sure there is someone which looked like the lady in the picture. If only I had not fell asleep during the history of my family, things would have been clearer. But do I have time to return to my homeland and come back? Most probably I would implicate more people. As I thought of these, I thought of my friends. Friends, the most precious things to have, next to family. I wonder what they are doing. Its been 1 whole day…

Meanwhile…

"Lyzerg is missing,gone…"

"Got a problem with that? I knew it. Just couldn't trust him. He might be a spy of some opponents…"

"Don't be so mean! I knew you treated him like a friend. You just don't want to be too disappointed"

"If you didn't sleep like a log, you would have…"

"Cut it out" Yoh sighed. "This is not a time for quarrelling. Break it up will you? He might just went to somewhere… I believe we will find him along the way! Buck up guys! I could feel that we are reaching the 2nd stop of the Shaman Fight. We might be able to meet him there. He could have been too impatient so, he probably went off first… Let's go!" Even as Yoh said that, no one was convinced. They never actually understood him, but nevertheless, he was their friend, and they will try all they can to protect him. They didn't want to lose something precious to them…like before…

"Ryu…"

Author's Note: I knew this chapter came way too late. Hope no one had forgotten me P Please review!


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